My NFL Fantasy Lineup as Cars, Week 3: Always Check the Schedule

• Joe Burrow delivers.
• My own ignorance costs me a Dub.
• My bench darn near outscores my starting lineup.

Proper preparation prevents poor performance. As someone with ADHD, this little mantra helps me make sure I don't forget anything while my brain reorders itself every 10 seconds. Evidently, the mantra got lost in the shuffle when I set my NFL Fantasy lineup for Week 3. Things could be better in the Edmunds Fantasy Garage this week, especially coming off my first Dub of the season last week. On top of the narrow loss, I have only myself to blame for not checking the schedule and reading the lineups — but we're going to keep on keeping on for now, doing the same thing we do here every week: likening my NFL fantasy lineup to a fantasy garage.

Joe Burrow (Cincinnati QB): Porsche 911

Joe Burrow lost this week, but I won by starting him. Burrow netted my team a tidy 25.36 fantasy points. As a result, my faith in the frosted-tip QB has been fully restored, with a massive 29 of 38 pass attempts for 324 yards and three touchdowns in the Bengals' loss to the Commanders. Burrow was athletic, precise, and dead-nuts reliable this week. For this reason, he's just like the Porsche 911. Pick your generation, the 911 is a steadfast machine that has stuck around for a reason. Burrow will too, so long as the Bengals continue to put up numbers despite their 0-3 record.

Jahmyr Gibbs (Detroit RB): Porsche Boxster

Speaking of dead reliable, Jahmyr Gibbs continues to prove why he's made my roster two seasons in a row. Gibbs rushed 16 times for 83 yards on top of a 20-yard receiving touchdown for a total of 16.3 fantasy points. His performance did dip a little over previous weeks, where he's hit at least 17 FPTS, but I'm still very happy with him. He reminds me a lot of the Porsche Boxster. Not to hit two P-cars in a row, but Gibbs' consistently strong performance despite other, higher-scoring names on the Lions reminds me a lot of the Boxster's place in the greater Porsche lineup. Not to mention a lovely little 986 Boxster is my daily driver. They're great, and so is Jahmyr Gibbs.

Rachaad White (Tampa Bay RB): Volkswagen Golf R

Sometimes you gotta make tough calls as a fantasy manager, and I failed at that. Aaron Jones (Vikings) sat on my bench and scored (ugh) 25.8 points. This would've changed my 114.86-132.46 loss to another win. Meanwhile, Rachaad White brought in just 8.5 points from 35 yards in a loss to my home team, the Broncos (let's ride, I guess). His consistently lackluster performance has earned him a spot on the bench —whether it's from a lack of targeting or tough defense in the case of this Denver game, he's out while Jones continues to perform. This situation is a lot like the Golf R/Civic Type R situation: Both are full of potential upside, but one is largely a downgrade when compared to the other. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Tyreek Hill (Miami WR): Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio 

Once again, through no fault of his own, Tyreek Hill underperforms. Across five targets for 40 yards, Hill landed me just 7 fantasy points. He's benched, too, as Deebo Samuel's replacement, Juan Jennings, hit an incredible and infuriating 45-plus points this weekend. Paired with stronger competition and a lot of mismanagement from behind, Hill reminds me a lot of the Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio. The Quadrifoglios are on their way out of the U.S. market, and it is more down to poor sales and management at Alfa Romeo than it is the Giulia Quad's performance chops.

DeVonta Smith (Philadelphia WR): Toyota GR Supra

DeVonta Smith took over for Deebo this week, only to make just like Deebo and get hurt after a solid performance. Smith is now marked Questionable headed into Week 4 due to a nasty hit that led to a concussion. Before exiting the game, Smith put down a solid seven catches for 79 yards and 14.9 points. Because of that concussion, Smith's future next week is in doubt, a lot like the Toyota GR Supra's. Sales for the Supra have been particularly slow of late, and it's not hard to see Toyota moving on.

Dalton Kincaid (Buffalo TE): Subaru Crosstrek Wilderness

Better late than never, Dalton Kincaid went to work for this franchise in Week 3. The tight end scored a strong 41 yards and a touchdown for a total of 13.1 points. He and the Bills face off against Baltimore next week, which will be a tough matchup, though I'll hopefully see his score continue to steadily climb, the same way it has for the last few weeks. Speaking of being better late than never, Subaru's Crosstrek Wilderness is the most Subaru Subaru and currently does the most to bolster the affordable outdoorsy fun image the brand is working to curate for itself.

Zack Moss (Cincinnati RB): Chevy Colorado

I snagged this Cincinnati RB off the waivers, pushing him into my flex spot this week while trying to plug holes caused by Deebo's injury. Boy, was it worth it. Moss had a season-best performance against Washington this week, aiding Burrow with 97 yards, a Tuddy, and 20.7 FPTS. I'm happy here, and Moss will stick around for a while yet, especially with White choking week after week. Zack Moss was a pleasant surprise, a lot like walking out to a Chevy Colorado. After some big updates in the last few years, the Colorado is now a pleasant surprise to have around to test, and like Moss, it's a solid workhorse that should stick around for a while.

Nick Bosa (San Francisco DE): Volkswagen Jetta

Bosa was fighting a rib injury this week, and at the very least, he didn't cost me points. It's a ways off his two-point game last week, and a fat 0 with just two tackles was the last thing I needed due to my frankly garbage coaching calls. Bosa did the bare minimum this week. So does the Volkswagen Jetta, which doesn't do much besides undercutting the Honda Civic in price.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Defense): Dodge Charger

Everyone wanted to talk about the Bucs after their stellar performances early in the season, but being felled in a huge 26-7 loss to the Denver Broncos (again, LET'S RIDE) may have proven that to be all bluster. The Bucs allowed 26 points in, costing me nine of their 10 allotted starting fantasy points. Much like a Dodge Charger with a raspy straight-piped exhaust trying to race a Hellcat at the lights, the Tampa Bay defense fell apart in the face of real competition. Still, I'm hoping their matchup against Philly proves more fruitful, though I'll be eyeing the waivers for a better matchup.

Evan McPherson (Cincinnati K): Chevy Silverado

This week, McPherson made three extra-point attempts but missed one of three field-goal attempts for eight fantasy points. It was an acceptable performance and one that largely helped keep the Bengals within shouting distance of the Commanders this week. The Chevy Silverado is also an acceptable performer, but like McPherson, there are other stronger options out there. 

This week was tough, and we learned some lessons about researching matchups and injuries more thoroughly. Next week I'll be starting the likes of Jennings, Jones and Moss. Hopefully, benching Hill and White doesn't burn me too badly.