2012 Volvo S60 T5: Swedish Grumpypants
January 13, 2012
Who is the Snake Doctor and why does the S60 keep searching for him?
Seems our staff cobra tamer A. Austria has duly charmed the S60. After I bumped the Doctor from the paired phones list (can't bump a mobile handle that pays homage to a pretty good Van Hagar album, after all), the S60 refused to find my phone. And I mean flat out refused.
Even after trying all combinations of shutting off the ignition, exiting the car, locking/unlocking, and even cycling my phone off and on a couple of times, the S60 would not find my phone.
Instead, it first searched for Snake Doctor -- last charmer in the driver's seat, apparently -- then looked for previously connected devices, then urged me to ensure that my phone was discoverable. I've paired my phone -- a 3G iPhone that runs on kerosene -- with the S60 before, no problem. Not this time. Thus ensued a quick spiral into a Bluetooth rabbit hole: checking the manual, deleting other phones, pairing the phone with another car to rule out a hardware issue.
This continued for 30 minutes. The first 15 minutes, I felt it was something of a job responsibility to try and get to the bottom of the issue. The next 15 minutes were pure mindless, irrational focus on a trivial matter. And when no apparent answer presented itself, I drove the S60 home in a funk, disliking it intensely. Lumbar's too aggressive. Engine's too loud. Too many stupid esoteric controls and switches. A dumb, lumpy 3-Series pretender.
All was forgotten after a good night's sleep. Next morning, the neighbor said how much she liked the color. The engine fired up with its distant shake and clatter that always makes me think its a diesel. It's a sound that indicates the engine is ready to do some work for you. In the end, I never did figure out the issue. The phone would still not pair the next morning. And it was still looking for that hack physician.
Dan Frio, Automotive Editor