2008 Cadillac CTS V6 DI: Joplin, MO to Detroit, MI
December 13, 2008
While I was away, the ground underneath Detroit collapsed and the sky lit on fire and the end of days was right up Woodward Ave. Honestly, can't we just lock UAW president Ron Gettelfinger and Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker in a steel-cage so they might have it out for real? Only one will emerge under his own power. And frankly, at this point, I don't even really care which one it is.
Ah, but the CTS, right? Yeah, brilliant car. I really like it and it's not every car I would say that about after three days of non-stop driving across some of America's less-dramatic landscape. As my desire to reach home grew my patience with left-lane dawdlers shrank. Through Illinois and Indiana, where traffic was light, I set the CTS's cruise control to a speed that felt right in the Caddy but was apparently considerably higher than others on the road that evening. No problem: I got my system down and everything. 1. Approach slow car at good clip. 2. Make sure he knows you're there. 3. Flick off cruise and back off slightly. 4. Hit the resume button as he starts to swerve to the right. This method resulted in a minimal loss of speed for me and was unspeakably satisfying when it all went to plan. And when, it didn't, I always had the Caddy's 300-plus horsepower to power around the occasional comatose driver.
Make the jump for final figures and a special surprise!
Okay, so I lied. There's no special surprise. But here are some photos of things I saw on the road that may or may not be of interest to you. Also, I discovered that Yakov Smirnoff is still getting work in Branson, MO -- What a country!
The CTS does not fear your kitsch. No, not even at the "T ADING OST."
Hey, what's with the big circular air cleaner on the top of the engine? What's this? 1972?
Okay, so making fun of a town's name is a cheap shot, but...Festus? Come on?
Seriously? I thought we were done with this, people.
I had no idea technology had progressed to this point. A combination sink/soap dispenser/hand dryer? That's Awesome! And, in a pinch, it could serve nearly all your rest-stop needs -- nearly.
Final figures for the 2,466.8-mile trip (the navigation's 2,200-mile estimate was for the center route through Colorado, not my southern route), according to the CTS's trip computer: The Caddy achieved an average fuel economy 23.5 mpg (not stellar) and average speed of exactly 70 mph. Stay tuned for updates from Detroit, where the snow is already on the ground. Or is that post-apocolyptic nuclear fallout? Either way, I see a snow angel in my future.
Daniel Pund, Senior Editor, Detroit @ 20,453 miles