2011 Mazda 2: Sent to the Poor House
June 29, 2011
For the better part of two weeks, I've been driving nothing but loaded luxury cars: Equus, Genesis R-Spec, Infiniti M56 and Mercedes-Benz CLS550. Alas, my time in the latter came to a gut-wrenching, tear-streaming end and I was forced to resume my normally scheduled long-term duties. As I had been making my way down the LT board alphabetically, I landed on the Mazda 2. Talk about austerity measures.
The first thing I noticed was that I had to suffer the indignity of inserting the key into the ignition and turning my wrist in order to start the car. Seriously, I might've been injured. When I reached to engage the cooled seats, I found a huge slidey thing that when slid failed to properly chill my hind quarters. Perhaps it's used as a release to dust crops. As I felt under my butt to confirm its lack of chilling, I also noticed a distinct lack of cow hide. My poor trousers.
But my dear friends, it gets worse. Not only did I have to shift my own gears (what's next, fetch my own slippers?), there were only five of those gears. Not seven and especially not eight. What kind of heap is this? As I pulled out of the Edmunds garage, it became ubundantly clear that the Mazda 2 did not have a twin-turbo V8 and was aghast that it obviously didn't have 443 pound-feet of torque. When I got to the office this morning, I discovered it only has 96 torques. 96? I'm fairly certain my blender has more. As I turned up the radio to wash out the loud buzzing, there were sadly 11 fewer speakers than I had in the Genesis.
Yet, I suppose there is something to be said for the 4 extra feet left over between the 2 and my wife's car in our tandem parking spot. And it was kind of fun zipping around corners. Otherwise, I miss my Benz. I think I shall retire to the kitchen and weap over my morning Earl Grey latte.
James Riswick, Automotive Editor @ 9,680 miles