2011 Hyundai Equus: A Note from the Chairman
February 16, 2011
Since Magrath is busy running Straightline and finding the perfect recipe for figgy dumpling bread, he has neglected to post about driving to my bachelor party in our Hyundai Equus. Yes, it was the second, mystery car.
As the Chairman, I felt it necessary to take control of the situation.
I suppose I should back up a few steps. The first time I saw an Equus on the road it was on the streets of Seoul, it was black and it was next to another new black Equus. They were everywhere, since like New York, Seoul is covered in black limousines carrying around chairmans and vice chairmans of this and that. So when it seemed only fitting that as the man of the hour, I should declare myself the Chairman and sit in the Equus' grand back seat on the way to Vegas with my buddy Chris next to me and Mike as our chauffeur.
Indeed, this set-up is ideal in the Equus. The Chairman could motor the front passenger seat (if its unoccupied) to its forward-most and folded-most position (yes, I didn't sit behind it, but in the event of an attack, a would-be assassin would assume Chris was the Chairman and murder him instead. You don't get to be Chairman by being careless).
I could also control the stereo, adjust the climate control, power up the sunshades and recline our seats -- all of this is without the Equus Ultimate Package, which further adds a right-side La-Z-Boy footrest, ventilation, massaging, a rear-seat entertainment system, an armrest fridge and a butler named Chan-Ho. Many of those items are also available in the Mercedes-Benz S65 (well, the butler's named Fritz), the car I chose in Face-Off Bachelor Party Edition. As such, the Chairman lamented the omission of said package and alerted my chauffeur to my discontent. He turned up the radio to tune me out; I turned it down and continued my discontent.
Nevertheless, the Chairman must say that I was certainly impressed by the Equus. The ride and spooky-quiet cabin conspire to utterly shut out the world and the unsophisticated masses who must suffer the indignity of driving themselves. I can see why my contemporaries in Seoul find it appealing (though they can choose from a long-wheelbase model). However, I alerted my chauffeur that our Equus should have tinted windows. As it was, the damned paparazzi were able to take my picture.
Oh, I've just been told that was Mark and Kurt in the Countryman. Whatever, it should have tinted windows. Oh, even better, it should have curtains. But not lace ones, I'm the Chairman, not the Queen.
We'll have to see what Mike thought about what driving the Equus was like, but as the Chairman, I couldn't care less. As if the chauffeur's opinion matters.
The Chairman @ 1,500 miles