Car Gifts for the Royal Baby

10 Cars Being Given to William and Kate's Baby Boy

Though born of the same species, you have nothing in common with the Royal Baby. When you were a kid, you almost certainly received some Hot Wheels as a gift. If you were lucky maybe you got a pedal car, Cozy Coupe or, if your parents were really feeling generous, a Power Wheels Jeep (and/or Barbie Corvette).

As the Royal Baby was born to the House of Windsor, however, his childhood rides promise to be, without question, vastly superior. For instance, his great uncle Prince Andrew as a boy received a one-off Aston Martin DB5 complete with James Bond gadgets, created specially at Aston's Newport Pagnell factory. In 1988, his father Prince William was given a 4/7th-scale Aston Martin V8 Volante powered by a 160cc Honda engine and outfitted with genuine Connolly leather.

In these days of grotesquely spoiled children, though, our sources in London are reporting that the world's celebrities, dignitaries and general wealthy elite have doted upon His Royal Highness, Prince TBA, actual full-size motor vehicles in lieu of oh-so-gauche toy cars. These are the cars for the Royal Baby that we hear are being added to the Buckingham Palace nursery motor pool.

Range Rover Evoque Special Edition
Gift from Victoria and David Beckham
As part of her contract with Land Rover, the artist formerly known as Posh Spice was given several Range Rover Evoque special editions she supposedly helped design and now needs to unload. Nevertheless, she also figured her Evoque is without question the most stylish means to toddle about the grounds of Balmoral Castle thanks to its matte Stornaway Grey paint and vintage tan leather that's been baseball stitched (we're not kidding) as "a tongue-in-cheek reference to athlete husband David Beckham." Hopefully you understand why that's a tad stupid, because Posh apparently doesn't.

Jaguar F-Type V8 S Roadster
Gift from Aunt Pippa
One needn't explain why the epic Jaguar F-Type V8 S makes for an especially wonderful, quintessentially British gift for the United Kingdom's future monarch. With the F-Type's particularly sexy shape, one also needn't explain why it's an apropos gift from Aunt Pippa.

Bugatti Veyron
Gift from Jay and Beyonce Z
As daughter Blue Ivy has frequently been called "America's princess," Jay-Z and wife Beyonce are hoping the Bugatti Veyron they sent to England will serve as a sufficient dowry to initiate a betrothal with newborn Prince TBA. Such an old-school royal alliance will almost certainly pay dividends in Anglo-American relations as well as U.K. album sales.

Dodge Challenger SRT8
Gift from former president George W. Bush
As it so happens, our 43rd president also had diplomatic intentions with his gift to the Royal Baby. "When I was president, I always wanted official state gifts to show off the very best America has to offer. And what better way to do that than with a Hemi-powered, old-school American muscle car like the Dodge Challenger SRT8. Also, I think it's a poetic symbol of our two countries' current friendship to give the future king of England the same car George Washington used to scare off that British army back in the day. Man, that was cool. Wait, what? That was a commercial? Never mind then. Still, kid's gonna love that Challenger."

Fisker Karma
Gift from Justin Bieber
In no way on behalf of the Prince's future Canadian subjects, Justin Bieber gifted a chrome-plated Fisker Karma. Upon arrival at Buckingham Palace, however, the Royal Guards turned it away after looking inside to find the car's 8,300-mile odometer, a pair of drop-crotch pants under the driver seat and a suspicious aroma best described as "BC Bud blended with Proactiv facial scrub."

Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe
Gift from Sir Elton John
As a well-known car collector and dear friend of the new prince's late grandmother, Sir Elton John gifted something truly special: Baby's First Rolls-Royce. Oddly left off most commoner baby shower registries, though obviously included on Will and Kate's, the Phantom Drophead Coupe provides everything new parents can hope for in their family transport. Dreadnought-rivaling curb weight assures crashworthiness, lambs-wool-lined boot big enough for Kate's Bugaboo (that's a stroller, apparently) and a 15-speaker Lexicon sound system best suited to Disney sing-a-long CDs. Per Sir Elton's wishes, it's been painted gold.

Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe
Gift from Dame Helen Mirren
Awkward. Don't you hate when this happens? Somebody didn't check off their item from the registry. Seems like Cavendish the butler gets an early bonus this year.

Aston Martin Cygnet
Gift from Dr. Ulrich Bez, president of Aston Martin
Sadly, Aston Martin is a lot busier these days and wasn't able to rustle up a scale replica toy as it was back in the 1960s and '80s, so instead, Aston Martin President Dr. Ulrich Bez simply sent over an actual Aston Martin Cygnet figuring it's close enough. Sadly, when first viewing his new Cygnet "toy," the Royal Baby spit up.

Aston Martin Vanquish Volante
Gift from Grandpa Charles
Aston Martin may not have come through, but thankfully the newborn prince's grandfather and lifelong Aston fan Prince Charles delivered. He still owns the DB6 Volante his mummy gave him as a 21st birthday present and later converted to run on old wine in an effort to be eco-friendly. To carry on family tradition, the future King Charles III gifted his grandson 2013's latest and greatest Aston Martin, the Vanquish Volante. Due to the higher octane requirements, however, only 16 gallons of Lagavulin 1997 is potent enough to feed the modern 6.0-liter V12. The exhaust has notes of Band-aid and burning oak.

Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe
Gift from Sir Paul McCartney
Seriously, did anybody look at the damn registry? Come on.

Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG
Gift from Jeremy Clarkson
After making allegedly £14 million last year, Jeremy Clarkson has some cash to burn and figured that the perfect gift for an infant would be one packing 728 tire-shredding torques. The gift card simply read "POWWWWERRRR!"

Volkswagen GTI
Gift from Dad, Prince William
"Listen son, when I got my driver license, I got a Volkswagen GTI. If it was good enough for your old man, it's good enough for you."