2014 BMW i3: A Text to Riswick from the i3
June 12, 2015
I would like to welcome you to the 21st Century. It's quite an interesting time, as dressing like a well-coiffed lumberjack is chic and I don't need stinky, burny old gasoline to make myself move. OK, so I have an engine, but I only sorta need it. Anyway, good luck with that quaint, shiny bit of plastic you have in your hand. If you're expecting me to do something with it, well, LOL.
Apparently you're unaware that here in the Teens (which is quite obviously NOT the Teens of the Edwardian, Great War variety), we play music through our phones. That's right, phones are no longer just that thing with 12 buttons on it that you can use to call your friend's house. You can not only play music on them, but also watch a baseball game, order a pizza, write an e-mail (you had those in the '90s, right?), translate something from Japanese and Tweet. Well, that's if you know that a Tweet, in this context, is not the sound a bird makes.
As such, you can plug it into the, and follow me here, USB port where you can control certain phone functions from that big ol' screen on my dash. It'll even charge it for you! You can also use Bluetooth Audio, which is not a recording from a dental office.
If, however, you still feel like playing that "CD" you can always use that old "discman" that is, for some ungodly reason, still in your desk drawer and plug it into the headphone-looking jack under the armrest. I can't speak to the effectiveness of its fancy electronic shock protection (ooooh!), but I'm sure it still works great. #sarcasm
Oh, you probably wouldn't know what a hashtag is, would you? Oh well, I suppose it could be worse — that 1998 BMW Z3 of yours only has a tape deck. Which reminds me, say hi to Grandpa for me.
Yours Truly (I figure you would appreciate the ye olde formality of letter-writing pleasantries),
BMW i3, Super Cool Quasi-Electric Car @ 6,104 miles
(James Riswick, Automotive Editor)