Like Jason Voorhees, the Burnout Super Test doesn't know when to quit. Also like Jason Voorhees, wherever it goes, destruction follows.
Here's Round 5 in the series.
Five? Yes, five. That means this is the fifth time we've dedicated actual resources — money, time and effort — to the science of melting rubber. Call us dedicated. Call us obsessed. Just don't call us boring, because this here boiling of bolognas is serious business.
And serious business demands serious hardware. So for Round 5 we've brought back the King of Chaos, The Champion of Chunk, the Sultan of Smoke. In other words, welcome the return of the Chevrolet Corvette Z06. This time, it's the Centennial Edition. You might recall from Part Duh that at 323 feet, 7 inches, the Z06 laid the longest stripe in the history of stripe-laying. But this time it takes on a threatening challenger — another rear-drive car that's both more powerful and puts less rubber on the road: Cadillac's CTS-V Coupe.
Let the Games Begin
As always, we're playing by the same rules. Each car is given three chances to dance stripe down the tarmac and each attempt is measured independently. Where the stripe ends is left entirely to the subjective evaluation of the guy holding the tape measure. Fortunately, for this test, the black lines all had obvious stopping points.
And just like in the high school parking lot on a Friday night, little thought is given to technique. But burnout contests are no place for subtlety. There's a simple three-step process:
1. Clutch in, select 1st gear.
2. Throttle down until the tachometer stops moving.
3. Sidestep clutch.
Longest stripe wins.
And that's pretty much how it goes. No point in getting technical. Burnouts for science is a stretch anyway. Maybe we should have said burnouts for satisfaction. We won't burden you with all the satisfaction we found in the high school parking lot all those years ago.
Here's how it went down.
2nd Place: 2012 Cadillac CTS-V Coupe
The Cadillac, despite complete disabling of its electronics, spun its tires for about 5 feet before wimping out completely and cutting power. This, being a crime against humanity, means it doesn't deserve the honor of mention in a burnout test. It's also an utterly ineffective self-preservation strategy against your creative author, who always finds a way. You might recall back in Round 3 that the 2010 VW GTI — pug of a car that it was — tried some similarly sly burnout deterrent only to have another 25 feet wrung from its sorry soul.
But because we're charitable folk and we refuse to take crap from any car — especially this gentlemen's coupe — we pressed on. And by "pressed on" we mean "performed a giant brake stand followed by a rev-limiter-torturing burnout."
This was a generous stretch of the rules. And also utterly weak.
The same can't be said for the Caddy's supercharged 6.2-liter V8, which cracks out 556 horsepower and 551 pound-feet of torque — 51 hp and 81 lb-ft more than the Vette. The CTS-V coupe also packs a full 950 pounds more road-crushing mass than the Vette and wears skinnier 285/35ZR19 Michelin Pilot Sport PS2 rubber.
Turns out, it can still spin its tires.
First run: 145.9 feet
Second run: 136.11 feet
Third run: 127.0 feet
1st Place: 2012 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 Centennial Edition
Now at this point, we'd all but given up hope for the Caddy. Thanks to our brake-stand bamboozle, its 145-foot performance placed it only a few feet behind the Round 4 winner. Yet it was facing a car which has already proven itself capable of massive feats of tire-smokery.
But this Z06 — the Centennial Edition — comes with tires so sticky they make the Vette's standard Michelin PS2 rubber seem like KY Jelly. Two 335/25ZR20 Michelin Pilot Sport Cup rear tires, which put 26.3 inches of rubber on the road, will do that.
The only question, then, was if the ultra-sticky Michelins would entirely wussify the 505-hp Z06, turning it from the raging king of tire-smoking domination to an utterly emasculated prince of pantywaists.
The answer is no.
Our Centennial Edition Z06 couldn't match its predecessor's epic rubber-melting milestone, but it beat the tire-smoking snot out of the Cadillac. By 50.3 feet.
And that, as they say, was the end of that.
First run: 169.2 feet
Second run: 196.2 feet
Third run: What's the point?
The manufacturer provided Edmunds these vehicles for the purposes of evaluation.